EPOV
I hold the door open for my mother as she follows me out back. Where is Dad? I thought we’d run into him right away, but he’s nowhere in sight. Great.
We take the steps off the back porch until we’re walking through the wet, lush yard by the creek. What the fuck should I say?
“Look, Mom,” I begin, but she cuts me off.
“I don’t know what to say to you right now, Edward. You worked so hard; you spent so much time, so much money to become a teacher. When your father wanted you to go to medical school, you told him it was teaching that was for you. You said you couldn’t imagine doing anything else with your life. You said, ‘I’ve heard the call’. I remember, because I thought it was so poetic at the time,” she shakes her head. “Now I find out you’re dating your student? How important could it have been, Edward? If you’re so passionate about teaching, why are you willing to throw it all away over some girl?”
“Easy,” I caution. I may be in the wrong, but I’m not going to let her act like Bella is just some lay.
“I’m just so confused, Edward,” her voice is hurt, but strong. She’s angry. She’s let down. How do I fix this? “What is your plan? How are you going to continue to date Bella and keep your job? Do you realize how unlikely it is that those things will work out?”
“Unlikely, not impossible,” I remind her.
“Practically impossible, Edward. You’re playing with fire.”
“Mom.”
“No, don’t ‘Mom’ me, like I’m being unreasonable,” she says, her voice rising. “You are dating a girl who is still in high school. You are her teacher. Do you not see how unethical that is? Jesus Christ, is she even 18?”
“Of course she’s 18,” I roll my eyes. “She’s almost 19.”
“How did this happen Edward? I need to know. If this happened in school, I need to know, because right now, I don’t even feel like I know who you are.”
I sigh and look around. God, I hate letting her down. I guess I should just tell it to her from the beginning.
“Come on,” I say, gesturing toward the trees. “Let’s walk.”
We head over toward a rustic path that leads into the mountains behind my house. Is that where my Dad went? Maybe. I take a deep breath as we walk, and start talking, “The night before I left Seattle, Jasper and Emmett took me out.”
“Oh Edward,” my mother replies. What does she think I’m going to say?
“While at the bar, I saw…” I think back to that night. I was…overwhelmed, to say the least. I remember the way my dick stood up when I first saw Bella across the room, desperately trying to get a drink. I remember how my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest when she first spoke to me. I remember how my skin felt like it was on fire when she first touched me. “I saw Bella and bought her a drink.”
“Oh for God’s sake, Edward. Now you’re supplying alcohol to minors?” Okay, this is going in the wrong direction.
I shake my head. “I didn’t know she was underage, Mom. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. She was in the bar, I assumed she was in her twenties and we hit it off. We more than hit it off, Mom, when I saw her…” I stop because honestly, there are no words for how I felt when I saw her. And more than that, there are no words for how I felt when I talked to her, or when I touched her, or when I watched her come…
I shake my head and look back at my mother, who is staring at me in wonder. “Mom,” I continue. “I had no idea she was my student. When I found out, she was sitting in the fifth row of my class and I tried, Jesus Christ, I tried to stay away from her, Mom. I fucking avoided her, I ignored her, I tried to pretend she didn’t exist. I even went out to the bars again, thinking I could meet someone else. I couldn’t stay away, and it’s not because she’s my student it’s because…it’s because she’s…she’s my Bella,” I plead with her.
My mother’s eyes are filled with tears. She puts both hands on my face, reaching up to me. I let out a shaky breath. “Oh Edward,” she sighs. “What have you gotten yourself into?”
I shake my head. I don’t know. I just know that I can’t be without Bella. I just know that within a month I have fallen in love with this sexy, confident, perfect woman. 18 or not, she’s it for me.
For the next hour, we hike through the hills and I tell her about Bella. I tell her how smart she is—how her thoughts and questions outshine everyone else in class. I tell her how funny she is—how the whole room lights up when she enters it. I tell her how skilled she is—how Ivy League schools fly across the country to watch her in action. I tell her how strong she is—how her own mother abandoned her and yet, she still loves wholly, uninhibitedly. I tell her these things and I hope…I hope that she will see how Bella is the sun, and I’m in a permanent, and irrevocable orbit.
She doesn’t say a word. When we finally reach the meadow, I stop.
I should take Bella here. As I look around, I realize that this place embodies everything that is Bella. It’s welcoming, warm, and beautiful. It’s intricate—with details and pieces that cannot be seen by the naked eye. It’s serene. It’s mine.
“Mom…what are you thinking?” I ask at last.
She’s found a rock with a flattened head to perch upon, and is gazing out onto the meadow. “I honestly don’t know, Edward.”
“What do you think I should do?” Even though I’m not sure I want to hear the answer, I need to know what she thinks. I’ve always asked my mother for advice, whether or not I’ve taken heed.
She looks around, avoiding my eyes. “I don’t know, Edward.”
“Mom.”
“Edward, what do you want me to say?” she asks, looking up at me at last. “That I’m happy for you? I’m devastated, Edward. You’re breaking the law. I know Bella is a legal adult, but she’s your student. You are a certified teacher. What you’re doing could end your career and you’ve only just begun!”
I blink rapidly, looking away from her. I don’t want my mother to see that her disappointment has brought tears to my eyes. “I know,” I whisper.
“You are a skilled teacher. I remember the things your professors said when you were in school, Edward. They said you were the kind of teacher who would change lives. You could miss the opportunity to do that for hundreds of students because right now, you can’t keep your emotions under control!”
I take measured breaths, focusing on how my lungs feel as the oxygen enters my body. If I think too greatly about what my mother is saying, I’ll lose it. She’s upset. She’s disappointed. She’s devastated. My mother. The only true parent in my life, and she can hardly look at me.
“I’m sorry,” I say slowly, and I am. I’m sorry that this situation has made her think less of me. I’m sorry Bella is my student. But I’m not sorry Bella is my Bella. I can’t even remember my life before her.
“Don’t be sorry, Edward. Because as much as I’m horrified by this situation, I’m also horrified with myself, because deep down, a part of me is…elated.”
I stare up at her. What?
“My baby boy has finally found his match. I’ve never seen you like this, Edward. You’re so in love! Honestly, you remind me of how your father and I were when we first met!” her voice has taken on a new tone now, a happier, lighter version of what it was before. She sounds more like my mom again. “As much as I know how wrong it is, I just want to hug you and cry and celebrate that you’ve found love, because it is such a precious, rare thing,” she moves to me then, putting her hands on my face. “You are in the worst of situations, Edward. You’ve found your mate, and yet, society says you have to stay away from her. I don’t know what to say, Edward. I want you to be safe, but I also want you to be happy.”
“She makes me happy,” I say, and I know how reverential I sound when I say it. It’s true. “And as crazy as it sounds, she makes me feel safe.”
“She should. Love does,” my mother kisses my cheek. “But you cannot take this situation lightly. You have to be very careful, Edward.”
“I know.” I do.
“You need to find a new job.”
“You need to find a new job.”
“I know.” I hate to admit it, but she’s probably right.
“Soon. You need to start looking for openings. It’s still early in the year. You could find something nearby.”
I nod, but I don’t want to continue this conversation. I know it’s the most logical option. I know I should look for another job, but right now, I don’t want to think about being away from Bella in any way.
“Will you come and get to know her?” I ask, hopeful.
She watches me for a moment, before giving me a small smile. “Sure. I already have to remember that I was a bitch to Rosalie when I first met her, I don’t want the same to be true for Bella,” she grins.
“Yeah, but Rosalie deserved it,” I wink.
“Let’s go meet your girl.”
“This way,” I say. My mom takes my arm as we walk down the trail, the earlier pain somewhat lifted. Although she hasn’t said explicitly that she approves of Bella, she understands. She understands the true depth of my feelings, and right now, that’s all I can ask.
It takes far less time to reach the bottom of the trail than it did to reach the top. As we exit the woods, a flash of blond catches my eye.
“Carlisle,” my mother calls. “Where have you been?”
My father is pacing around the yard, hands in his hair. I hate to admit that’s where I get it. He stops at my mothers voice and looks to us. He’s upset. I can tell from his face that he’s stressed, and the faint smell of cigarette smoke is in the air.
“Where have I been? Where have you been?” he asks her.
“Out for a walk with Edward. You should have joined us,” she says.
“Let’s go.”
“Go where?” she asks. My mother has never been one to be told what to do.
“Home. I’m not staying here. I’m not going to pretend I’m okay with our son’s lifestyle.”
“Lifestyle?” I ask. “What lifestyle is that?” How dare my father come to my home and judge me. After all of the years he was gone, how can he pretend to know me?
“The lifestyle of a pedophile,” he says, his voice cold. I hear my mother gasp next to me. “You’re taking advantage of a child, Edward. That’s what pedophiles do.”
“Carlisle,” my mother says, “stop that. Edward is not a pedophile. He and Bella are practically the same age.”
“How can you say that?” he says to her. “Are you pleased with our son’s choice to find a lover in one of his students? It’s disgusting!”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” I say, although it barely comes out, the muscles in my face are so tight.
“I don’t even know who you are,” he says. “You were going to be a doctor! A doctor! And you give it up to be a teacher—a public school teacher, no less. And as hard as that was for me to swallow, I believed in you, Edward. I believed that you knew what was best for you, and that you wanted to change lives. Now I realize how wrong I was!”
“How can you judge my relationship with Bella?” I spit.
“Please, don’t pretend what you have with Bella is a relationship. The word ‘relationship’ implies that it’s with two consenting adults, which this is not. You are abusing your power, Edward, plain and simple. I will not stand by and condone it.”
“Fuck you!” I cry. I swear I can feel my blood boiling beneath the surface.
“Carlisle, hear Edward out. He didn’t know she would be his student when they met,” my mother tries to interject, but my father is already backing away, toward the side of the house.
“I can’t believe you would approve of this, Esme. She’s a child.”
“She is not a fucking child!” I say, and I realize I sound a bit like one as I yell out. “ALICE is in high school. I don’t see you freaking out about Jasper dating her!”
“Jasper is still in college,” my father says, as if that explains everything.
“So was I! Last year, I was in college! But I graduate and now I’m a fucking pedophile?”
“I have nothing more to say to you. When you’ve realized how dangerous and unethical this situation is, and find someone your own age to date, I’ll deal with you,” he says, continuing to walk away.
“Carlisle, where are you going?” my mother calls.
“Home. I’m not staying in this house. Are you coming?” he stops and asks.
My mother shakes her head, a disappointed look on her face. “No, Carlisle, I’m not coming. I’m going to stay at our son’s house, as planned. You should, too.”
My father simply shakes his head and, without another word and without looking at me, turns and heads around the house, toward the driveway.
I don’t even realize it when my legs give out and I drop to my knees. How can one man, who was around so little, have such impact on me? I don’t care about Carlisle; I hardly know him. And yet, why do I feel this rage inside? I want to scream and cry and punch him and drag him back here and make him stay with us. I want him to shut the fuck up and accept Bella and accept me. I hold my head in my hands, trying to slow my breathing.
I feel my mother’s hands on my shoulders after a moment, rubbing a soothing circuit across my muscles. “He doesn’t mean it, Edward.”
“Of course he does,” I grind out. He’s always meant it.
“He will come around. He just needs time to think about this alone.”
“He won’t come around,” I say. She knows I’m right.
She doesn’t say anything for a while, and eventually, I feel my heart rate slow and remove my hands from my hair. I can only imagine what it must look like. I feel ten years older, and it’s not even noontime.
“Come on, I’m sure Bella is worried about you,” my mother says after a moment.
Bella. Even her name acts like a beacon of hope in this dark, dreary day. On unsteady legs, I rise, desperate to see her again.
To know that what I’m fighting for is real.
No comments:
Post a Comment